Rage within me

In this state that I am, I seem to have this endless lust for rage, in all my years I've tried to control it, but, control over something you cannot see is like trying to breath under water with out gills it's possible but yet so hard. So this is my story. 

It all started the day I got challenged a one on one game fight, now I'm not one to turn down a challenge, but when it's against I never wanna fight for being a serious gammer makes me take myself out if my zone and place me in the game and when a lost occurs the rage comes out and destruction must I do. Numerous of times I've tried to keep this rage under control but, to no success have i accomplished. Their where times where I would just lye awake thinking of what makes it tic and how to stop the ticking from continuing but, I just can't I was always told you can do anything you put your mind to but if your mind is the one causing the problem how do you put your mind to stop it, still unanswered questions. I listen to music in hope to drown it out but, another fail I write another fail. So now what I think. And I hear it, another fail. I'm so tired of the fails I just want to accomplish and to accomplish I must know and to know I must understand and to understand I must except and to except I must believe and to believe I must trust and to trust I must know that threw all the good I am I will always have that darker side to me lurking raging within me waiting to burst out and run a muck and when it does I must except that its gonna happen and if t happens I must learn to get around it and if I can learn to get around it I can learn to be happy after I get out of it so to the rage'ers  and stressors the depressed and sad fear not of what you do for it is just a part of you in which no one else would understand and for that I call you special.