Monday, July 22, 2013

The Secret Child

I've looked for you for so long. Their where times where I thought I was crazy because I didn't think you where real. But, your here, things will be different well never be apart again. What's wrong? Why are you so quite?  What are you doing? Stop! NO!

What's that noise... Is it morning already... I Couldn't sleep. I was up crying again. The Pains, they wouldn't stop...Wheres my pills..... Since I was a kid I would catch myself crying but, it was weird it didn't feel as if I was crying for myself almost as if I was crying for another. Then the pains as if I was banging the back of my head into a wall it hurt but, i took medication to help calm the headaches i got from it. But,even meds have their limits. Dr.Guzman the man who's been working with me and giving me the medication could not figure out why this has been happening. He told me I was just an average healthy 17 year old and what i was going threw was common for teens my age who worked&study as hard as i did to succeed for their future. I couldn't argue with him, i was still in school my grades where up i was the captain of the football team, I didn't do drugs, I was always eating right. i had my whole life planned out. So why was this happening? I could never understand this but, sometimes I thought to myself (what if I was a twin?). I've asked Dr. Guzman about this, he stated that it was known for twins to feel one an other's emotions and pains. But, I was an only child. He should know he was the Doctor who help with my birth. And besides if i  was a twin why is he not with me? Why where we not raised together? For a while a i would run away to places i could get to, searching for someone i was unsure even existed. My mom would always bring me back telling me that i didn't have a twin she only had me and i should stop believing in things didn't exist. So now i just keep it to myself wondering if he's is out their,whats he going threw. Is he alone it feels that way.

Morning mom. Morning Jason, did you sleep well? No not really pains kept me up. Mom looked at me with hurt  in her eyes, your gonna be alright. Did Dr,Guzman raise the dosage on your medication? Yeah he did but, I don't think it's working. Well it was just raised so give it sometime. You hungry how about some French toast. No its OK, Cody's outside waiting for me. Alright honey, you have fun in school now and try not to over do it. I wont. Love you mom. Love you Jason.
CODY! JASON! My mans, hows our team captain feeling today. Tired didn't get that much sleep last night. Pains got you up all night again bro? As always but, nothing i cant shake off with some practice. Yeah that's what I'm talking about. On our way to school i start to think, maybe i can try and find him. But, if i do where do i go where do i look. The day passes couldn't even go to game practice. I cant stop thinking I need to try and find him. That night while laying in my bed i start crying and my head it wont stop hurting. I went to go for my medication when something came to my mind, a memory something i haven't remembered in so long. Its him where kids and hes being taking away, no wait. I wake up and its morning was i just dreaming. I look my pills are spilt on the floor, guess i didn't take any meds last night. Could my meds be making me forget him?

Morning Jason, Jason are you alright honey? Mom do i have a twin brother. Mom looks as if she seen a ghost. No we've spoken about this before you don't have a brother. have you taken your meds you know if you don't take them your going to have those headaches. Yeah i took them, well I'm going to go out ill be back later. Alright don't come back home to late now. I wont. that was the last time i seen her.

To Be Continued..........

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Voices inside my head

Can anyone hear me, please im right here, anyone. Someone, the voices get louder and i go deeper in the darkness falling faster and louder. No one can save me no one will see me, i am alone. forever to remember that day.

I'm telling you I'm not crazy bro, I heard a kid screaming. And then what? Cory looks at me with confusion. Then she just stops.Well ima roll a blunt so you can calm down cause you look alil shaken up. Wake Up Jay. What?! Did you hear that? Nah I didn't hear anything, Wake Up Jay. I need to go upstairs my head hurts. Alright ill come up in a sec you alright though. Yeah I'm fine ill be fine. I get into the hall head hurts more i get to my stairs and a flash comes before me, i stop (Wake Up Jay) i hear screaming then it stops. I open my door and my cats are meowing as always I lay in my bed. I close my eyes and I begin to fall Into a deep sleep.Wake Up Jay. Who are you? Wake Up Jay, you have to wake up.

Jay! (Cory's knocking on the door) My eyes open I get up and open the door. You wanna smoke? Yeah.... What wrong your all sweaty and shit, just got out of this crazy dream. Word wanna talk about it. Smoke fills my room it's calming me I don't hear anything. Nah i rather not. Well Just do me a favor, whats that? Wake Up Jay. What? what are you talking about Cory? I said take it easy OK. Oh yeah thanx. Well im about to head back down stairs if you need anything let me know. OK. I watch Cory leave. I hear the door close. I lay back down to sleep. NO! WAKE UP JAY! No it's happening again! Wake up from where whose there. I start to move around house going threw each room still nothing no one is here so where is this voice coming from. The lights go out. Oh no please no, my heart starts to race. Something just moved what's going on. Who's there!? Leave me alone! My door unlocks I grab a blunt object. Jay?! It's Pito. Yeah, I'm here. What happen to the lights? I don't know properly blew out. Ima check down stairs see whats going on. Alright ill be up here. Just do me a favor. What? Just wake up. WHAT?! I said tell Cedrick to come up. My head starts racing i feel woozy I start to go  down the stairs to go to the basement to the circuit breaker. I fall there's the screaming again, wait why does my head hurt.

I hear voices so many voices, theres lights i can see lights, im in a hospital, what happen. Cory explains that i feel down the stairs and Pito ran down with the light on his phone, Rachel came out and started screaming trying to wake you up hearing her scream he came running up. We tried everyday to get you to wake up Jay. Tha...... before i could even finish i feel the darkness coming back. whats going on CORY! somebody please no i don't wanna be hear anymore. But all there was me the darkness and the Voices inside my head


The door behind dreams

It is said that when you sleep your soul leaves your body and travels and when it comes back you feel as if you never slept. but, sometimes if you go to far you may never return.

Every night before bed mama would tell me story's of a world in your dreams where the children will all go to be what ever they wanted to be, from a Knight in Armor or an Astronaut out in space.
But,mama, also told me not to go past any doors cause they would take me to the bad place and if i go to the bad place I will never see her again. 

When i closed my eyes and started to dream I would dream i was going to my special place, where dragons would fly and, cats could talk. But, there was always that door, it looked so cool I didn't think a peak would do harm but, i was wrong. I foolishly open the door ignoring the fact that mama told me not to, i mean hey i was a kid. As i opened the door the clouds started to change everything started to smell funny it got so cold the dragons started to disappear the cats started hissing There's, someone here, I'm scared, I closed the door but, when I turned there was a boy standing there starring at me. Hi! How you doing? Why is he just still standing there? I was feeling scared is that blood I said to myself but, this is a dream and mama always said dreams can't hurt you and if you ever feel scared wanna wake up close your eyes and count to 5 and when you reopen you will be back I your room. So I closed my eyes and counted to 5 but, when I reopened the boy was now in front of me now he was shaking and his eyes where scary I closed my eyes again and counted 1,2,3... I heard the door open 4,... I reopen my eyes, what wait no , I'm in the bad place I'm behind the door  mama, please no I'm sorry, the door closes. 5 years later mama still tells me the story still tells me to stay away from the door, and when I see her I scream begging for her to hear me, because he is now me and I am behind the door behind the dreams.....


I can hear her, shes keeps calling my name, i can hear her walking up the stairs. Why, did we have to come into this abandoned hotel for. Maybe if i close my eyes and ignore her she'll just leave.

Timmy, i know your awake Timmy. My eyes open at the sound of her voice, my heart starts rushing hearing her clime the stairs shes getting closer and I'm on the 6th floor. WHAT DO I DO?, MOM!.
What are you screaming for, mom mom theirs something out in the hall. I watch mom go in the hall, everything is quite its dark. Mom walks back in, theirs nothing out there, so go to sleep I'm right in the next room. Maybe shes right its properly just my mind playing tricks on me. An Hour passes I'm still not asleep, whats that noise, i get up and go into the hall i look down the stairs. Oh no, no no no, there she is, shes on the second floor, Timmy Timmy,  I'm coming for you Timmy, how does she know my name, what does she want with me. I run back in my room and close the door, i grab sheets in hopes to make a rope to escape. Timmy I'm on the third floor, I'm getting closer, my hearts rushes even faster as i tied the sheets, then i realize my mom shes still in the next room. I open the door to go to my moms room, Timmy she cant help you Timmy, I'm on the fourth floor Timmy. i re shut the door and finish tying the sheets but when i open the window. Timmy I'm outside your door I'm coming in Timmy, my heart starts racing i cant breath tears are falling down my face, i hear the door open, shes inside what do i do now, Timmy what are you doing with those sheets, i take a deep breath, its mom she must of heard me moving around so she came to check on me, i turn around AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Morning time comes, Timmy are you awake its time for us to go Timmy, mom walks into my room only to see me on the ceiling, on the bed in the closet, i was every where, she runs out screaming only to see her, her standing there, shes holding something, mom walks up to her, hello Hello, I told you mom i told you there was something in the hall, she holds my head up towrd's my mom and laughs, you should of listened to me mom, Mom screams and then........ Silence